Peter Chan is a Hong Kong actor with extensive experience. He was nominated for Best New Performer in the 13th Asian Film Awards and the 38th Hong Kong Film Awards. During the pandemic, he fell into deep despair which prompted self reflection: as an actor, can I do something for humanity?

“We can despair, be pessimistic and disappointed, but we won’t give up until our last breath.”

— Peter Chan

Journalist: Snowyeok, Pineapplepie

Videographer: Almond, Wolf

Video Editor: Skyhorse Creative

Photos: SL, Jenna

Translator: Jeezos

Editorial: Sara, King Kenny, Zucchhi

Production: Wolei, Alex, Lui, Silenceisblue, small k, Onehungrycoconut, JM

[This story is also featured on Apple Daily.]

Some people may know me from the film Three Husbands where I was nominated for Best New Performer in the 38th Hong Kong Film Awards. For me, although my background is in theatre, I hope I can blur the line between different media. Regardless of whether it’s theatre, film or television, the emphasis should be on the acting and not the actor’s background. Granted, there are differences between them, but actors have to learn to adapt, so that they can perform on different media.

We Are HKers - Peter Chan│Reality is more absurd than a script. We won’t give up until our last breath

The start of my journey as an actor

My acting career started relatively later than others and it was all because of some self-reflection. Whenever I watch movies and shows, certain actors would leave a strong impression, but others struck me as typecast into boring and repetitive roles. I started asking myself why I’ve come to this judgment? What is acting anyway? These questions lingered in my mind, motivating me to enrol in an amature acting course at The Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts (HKAPA).

It was there where I met the teacher that enlightened me — Mr Suk Yi Chan. He made me discover the fun in acting. In his classroom exercises, I felt like I was playing a game with my imagination and then thinking of ways to present it. I was passionate about it, energized by it and wanted to express myself so it drove me to officially enroll at HKAPA.

Self-discovery, self-hatred and acceptance

I was around 24 or 25 when I enrolled at HKAPA which was definitely older than average. Studying acting gave me a chance to rediscover myself every day. In the beginning, I had to know how I perceive myself from my past, to my temperament, to my emotions. I had to face myself upfront. From resistance to hating a part of myself, to discovering “Oh, it’s quite silly to hate yourself” and then to try and accept myself.

These cycles repeat themselves, and they still do to this day, but it is necessary to face them. Life comes with all kinds of stimuli which invoke reactions we’ve never had. As an actor, it is essential that I remember how these reactions have come about and how they’ve affected and changed my body.

Undeniable despair and longing to create an emotional release

During the pandemic, I didn’t hate myself but a deep despair grew within me. The feeling was undeniable. It was in each and every cell in my body, but I did not “die” because of it. Conversely, despite the despair, I was still “alive”. This made me reflect on what more I could do. I can stay hopeful and grind it out while seeking a way out.

In the past year, I’ve seen many alumni forced to change careers from disinfecting public transportation to baking cakes just to make a living. From these experiences, we’ve accumulated a lot of different emotions which we hope to use in new creations. Perhaps we can use our identities as actors to provide audiences the emotional exit they seek, so that they can be relieved of their despair and loss and move on.

We are the weeds sprouting from the unlikeliest of places

These creations are not limited to any form, but personally I hope they are prophecies because the absurdity in these present times is more absurd than any drama. This kind of hysteria is far beyond anything that can be imagined from reading a script. When our lives are the most ridiculous of plays, how about we look into the future and think what our lives will be like in 20 or 30 years?

Just as Three Husbands resonates with Hongkongers, we are all tormented by one another on the ship. The female lead’s insatiable need is something we cannot satisfy, yet we rely on her for survival. At the same time, in order to rely on her, we must continue to satisfy her. This is a battle to the death of mutual torture where her dissatisfaction and the ineptitude of the three of us loops endlessly.

In present day Hong Kong, everyone is like a weed sprouting from the unlikeliest of places. Don’t expect to see a great blossoming tree, but you will see weeds sprouting from the cracks. Weeds cannot provide shade and they can be uprooted easily, but another will take its place soon enough. We can despair, be pessimistic and disappointed, but we won’t give up until our last breath. That breath of life is very important. I hope we have more confidence in our own vitality. We are resilient. Although taking a beating is immense suffering, never beat yourself to death.

“I am Peter Chan. I am a HKer. ”

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