Not Born To Be Valiant
Not Born to be Valiant
Name: Anonymous
Gender: Female
Age: 25 - 30 y/o
An employed lost bookworm
Since I was a child, my experiences have taught me that ‘kind people get stepped on' - a Chinese proverbs of sort. However, this phrase is not suggesting that one should turn into a bully. It is about being able to resist and to speak up for yourself, and to protect the weak, when someone does you wrong. Otherwise, the bullies will only grow in strength, whilsts the weak dwindles and eventually dies out.
I still remember, during the Umbrella Revolution in 2014, I did not participate in the movement because I got ill. Not only did I not join the protesting activities, but I was also neutral about the movement. At that time, I predicted that the movement would fail. I saw how the PRNs (peaceful rational non-violent protesters) and the radical frontliners were divided, how the protesters were having carnival-like activities and how some used absolute power to fight against absolute power. These things disappointed me. However, I also began to reflect on what we were actually fighting for. Was it a communist party under the name of democracy or a genuine universal suffrage?
Until the 'Fishball Incident' in 2016, the gunshot fired by the police made me change from being a pro-Beijing (locally known as ‘blue ribbon’, which also has a connotation of supporting HK’s police since 2014) to a pro-democrat supporter (locally known as ‘yellow ribbon’). Yes, you did not get me wrong. The police were the primary reason tipping me towards being more active in the movement.
In 2014, I was a classic leftard. I scolded the protestors along with my family in front of the television at home as TVB (a HK TV channel known for its biased pro-Beijing news report) showed clips of the 'rioters' throwing bricks at the police - I said these actions of theirs were definitely wrong. However, when the police had the first shot fired, I started to ponder about the following: 'Is it actually appropriate to fire a gun at such a densely populated location?’, ‘Are guns and bricks equal in force?’, ‘What if there was a stray bullet?' etc.
I pointed out these questions to my friends and relatives. Most of them replied, ‘Those protesters were wrong to begin with! They deserved the gunfire because they threw bricks!'. What they did not think about was whether or not the police’s counter-tactics were reasonable.
A few years later, on June 12th 2019, I went on strike with a friend, and we went on Harcourt Road. We got separated from each other in the chaos. My friend was closer to where the tear gas was fired. I had a narrow escape because I was further away from the tear gas. I watched the news after the incident and saw a police aiming at the level of someone's head to shoot rubber bullets and tear gas, which are banned. The shots had me shocked again.
This time, I began learning to ask, ‘why?’.
Why did the protesters have to throw bricks? Why did the police aim at people’s heads? Why did all these things happen?
With all these questions, I returned to Central that night, along with some refreshments and supplies. The supply team received so many donations to which they had to stop all the collections and to find a car to move them. Since I was bored, I went to the Statue Square to take a look. The frontline had already been set (a roadblock) near where I was. I was curious as to what kind of people the frontliners were, so I moved farther towards the frontline.
Suddenly, a girl (locally known as ‘si-da’, ‘sister’ in English) said to me, ‘We do not have any supplies! Do you have any back there?'. At that moment, I was shocked as I knew that the collection point, located not far behind the frontline, had already been closed because of an overwhelming amount of supplies, how come the frontliners did not have any?
I then recalled what happened at noon (on Harcourt Road), so I ran down the slope towards the park to transport supplies back to the frontliners. I ran a few rounds for this. Then, I realised something. There were very few people who dared to come up to the frontline. Many of those valiant frontliners are at the same age as me, or even younger…… After another few rounds of transporting the supplies back and forth, a guy (locally known as ‘ba-da’, ‘brother’ in English) standing in the middle row said that the Special Tactical Squad (locally known as the ‘Raptors’) were coming in.
At that moment, I was so afraid, so I left...I am sorry.
(Leung Kwok-Hung - a political activist - was actually in front of me, but he left so quickly when he heard about the Raptors.)
I was so worried for the whole evening. I couldn’t stop reflecting, ‘Those (the frontliners) standing in the front were only wearing basic surgical masks. They really didn’t have enough gear. And what I have contributed (to the movement) so far?’.
Later on, I contributed from being part of the supply team to being part of the sentries, then becoming one of the frontliners who were holding shields at the very front. The whole process (of becoming a frontliner) didn’t even take me a month.
In mid-July, I was already an experienced frontliner, but I still managed to have never ever thrown a single brick. I focused on providing first aid to people in need and blocking bullets. Of course, I sometimes got hurt but I had no guilt or shame - I had a clear conscience.
On August 11th 2019, I left earlier because I was feeling a bit under the weather, but I kept watching live news broadcasts at home. When I witnessed a first-aider’s eye got seriously injured from what looked like a police bean bag bullet, I fell to pieces……
I had always held my principle of being non-violent in providing first-aid at the frontline, but I was awakened when the police fired the third bullet. I realised that we were actually risking our lives from the very beginning...
After that, I experienced throwing bricks for the first time. I even tried fighting back the pro-Beijing supporters when they assaulted us. Every time I catch myself doing these things, I remind myself that I do not believe in resolving everything with violence. What I am doing is just pure self-defense. And indeed, I have learned how to defend myself.
I am a ‘si-da’. I used to be a PRN (peaceful, rational, non-violent) protester. So, what made me take a step forward after another (towards the forefront of the protests)? What forced me to argue with my family and even cut ties with them? What keeps me working so tirelessly on poster designs even after battling on the streets?
I believe that there is only one answer: the tyranny.
Violence is divided into two layers, ‘metaphysical’ and ‘physical’. The latter one is simple. It’s things that we can see, like a brick or a bullet. However, the former one is the most horrible and easily neglected type of violence. There is a lack of accountability in the Hong Kong Police Force (for their brutality), selective charges on pro-police supporters, the lack of responses from the HK government, and they (the HK government) even led falsifications and allowed police-triad collusions - all these things are forcing groups of naturally non-valiant individuals to be valiant.
Actually, I really want to live in peace. I just want to go on regular dates on the weekends. I just want to enjoy movies, to go shopping, to go back to school as usual. There are lots of things I want to do, but I also understand that I might have to face at least ten years in jail if I’m arrested. However, I will keep standing up (for the movement), because, precisely if you don’t speak out and resist, the ‘bullies’ will only become more powerful and eventually ‘devour’ you.
Finally, I hope to let everyone know that fear is just feeding for totalitarian regimes. The more afraid you are for fighting against them, the stronger they will become. And when that time comes, it will all be too late.
Graphic: vanessalai.design
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