Ricky | A Father's coming-of-age story - How a 'boy' grew into a 'man'
His name is Ricky. Arriving in Hong Kong as a stowaway, he experienced the glorious era of the 1980s while leading a life of luxury and dissipation. However, it was marriage and family that transformed him from a boy into a man.
“Looking back through his life, he had been at the forefront of trends as well as the furthest back; in relationships, he had played the role of the scum, and also the faithful lover; he had rollercoastered through the highest points of craziness, and pulled through the lowest feelings of misery. And now, he leads a simple, pleasant life. He realised the beauty in the ordinary from having lived an extraordinarily eventful life. ”
In the heart of every man lives a ‘big boy’, and to grow up from ‘boy’ to ‘man’ is no easy feat.
Many would say, “it is at the point of marriage that a man truly grows up to be a real man.”
Looking at my father in front of me, I felt the truth in this statement despite not being married myself. Hong Kong in the 80s was a place where success could be earned with hard work. The streets were paved with gold–getting rich was possible for everybody, and wealth and success felt reachable to all. Despite being a ‘big boy’, my father did not concern himself with this. Instead, his sole ambition was to keep up with the latest trends and feel good in life.
A free-spirited ‘big boy’ who chased after trends
Everyone chases trends in their youth, right?
“You could probably say my obsession with trends back then was crazy.”
As a twenty-something young lad living in 1980s Hong Kong, it was only natural for Ricky to be hooked on the flashing glamour of the big city. He was fully invested into chasing trends, all for the sake of being seen as the ‘cool guy’. Back then, earning ten thousand dollars per month in his accounting job could have allowed him to live comfortably as a middle-class, but he chose to spend most of his salaries on the latest trends. Mobile phones, pagers, luxury watches, vinyl records, etc.–all these trendy items would have easily been in his collection. Since fishing was his biggest hobby, he would also splash out several thousand dollars on a fishing rod or reel with no hesitation.
“When you’re young, all you think about is feeling happy. If only I’d kept those watches from back then - who knows how much their prices have risen by now!”
So the majority of his salaries were spent on trends and hobbies, would the rest then be in savings? Of course not, it was spent on food. Back then, people generally ate at local, low-cost cafés and stalls (e.g. Bing Sutt, Dai Pai Dong and Cha Chan Teng), only very few would dine at hotels and restaurants. However, Ricky has tasted and dined in all the famous restaurants of that era - the Jumbo Floating Restaurant, The Mira Hong Kong, and Hyatt Regency Hong Kong, to name a few.
“Any type of delicacy you can name, I have tried. I was even a VIP guest in those restaurants!”
As long as something was ‘trendy’, he would try his absolute best with no regard for the price to obtain it, just to feel the satisfaction of having kept up with the latest trend. He said in hindsight, “It’s impossible to be on trend. Once you feel you’ve caught up to it, new things would appear. So technically, you’re always behind.”
A fun-seeking prodigal who could not settle down
“We’re destined to fall for a scum or two.” This is a classic line from the film ‘Love in the Buff’ which, I feel, realistically portrays life. Ricky was once a “scum” and prodigal in others’ eyes. In his wedding photo with my mother, he wore his hair long and wavy, as per the popular style of the time. From the lack of inhibition in his expression, I could tell he indeed used to be a prodigal.
Probably quite experienced in dating then?
“I’ve had a good number of relationships, but only two were memorable.”
As someone who doesn’t talk much about relationships, Ricky has surprisingly experienced two deeply memorable ones. His first love was during secondary school. First loves are always beautiful, and everyone, at some point, would have imagined they’ll grow old together with their first love. He, too, had wanted to only love her his whole life. Unfortunately, her family moved abroad; even though he desperately did not want it to happen, there was nothing he could do. Before she left, they promised to keep in touch no matter what happens, and at first, they did. But as both their busy lives took over, they contacted each other less and less, and the relationship gradually fizzled out. Perhaps it is these regrets that make first loves beautiful.
His second memorable relationship was after he started working. Smiling, Ricky recounted, “She was quite pretty, had long hair, and smile lines too whenever she smiled or laughed.” The two were first introduced to each other by a mutual friend, and the relationship began not long after. Their personalities, however, were polar opposites: he was still a ‘big boy’, not fully matured, and only desired to be on trend and live in the present; while she was mature in thought, always thinking about and planning for the future. In the beginning, the two were patient and tolerated each other’s differences, but these efforts were gradually taken for granted. Ricky reverted back to his fun-seeking lifestyle, causing the girl to worry about whether he could manage life and take care of himself. But for a ‘big boy’, these worries were nothing but a source of annoyance. So arguments on this topic arose repeatedly, until one time he could no longer bear it and broke up with her. As she was left crying alone in the middle of the street, he did not even glance back. Straight after the break up, he felt glad to have regained his freedom, spending his time and money as he wished. But after a few months, he began to feel that something was not quite right, as if something was missing. He had lost the familiar sense of a certain someone’s care, because the one who used to always be by his side was no longer there. Regret always comes only after loss, and having experienced regret, one learns how to cherish.
“If you encounter someone you love, do your best to make it work, leave no regrets. If you find that you’re not compatible, just tell them straight up. Don’t drag it out, don’t waste each other’s time.”
“My past experiences made me who I am today.”
In the end, the ‘big boy’ did manage to grow up. And what led him to this growth was us, this family.
“Some things in life will lead you to grow”
In life, everyone encounters things or people that causes them to become more mature. I asked what they were for Ricky.
My father pondered in silence for a while, then answered, “Marrying your mum, and then having you two boys.”
Why do people mature upon reaching the stage of marriage and starting a family? “Because of love.”
As it is often expected for a man to start a family by thirty, age was perhaps one of the factors which propelled my father into maturity. Already in his thirties when he got married, Ricky realised then, “I’m not young anymore. I can’t just keep having fun without a care in the world. I have a wife and family to look after now so it’s time to dial it back and be more sensible.” He continued telling me, “You were born a few years later, and naturally, more responsibilities came with being a dad. After a while, your brother was born, and I decided to give up on those ‘trendy toys’ completely to focus on caring for you two.”
“Your mother is a very simple woman, only thinking of providing the best for you two. She’s also kind and respectful to the elders - truly a good wife. That’s the best thing about her.”
“Your mother’s wish is for the two of you to grow up healthily.”
Maybe it was my mother’s good nature and her love for the family that caused my father to change after their marriage. It was a memorable stage in his life to see the baby in her womb grow day by day, then finally being born. After having children, he naturally wanted to work hard to provide the best for them.
And so, for the sake of this family and his children, Ricky gave up fishing and started to look after his boys at home. Even when friends would invite him to meet or fish, he would politely decline. He gave up a lot of his ‘trendy things’, selling them all in exchange for milk formulae and diapers. One time, when his son’s temperature rose to a high fever in the middle of the night, he was so anxious that he could not even bear to wait for a taxi and carried the boy to the hospital on foot. Of course, there were also other less heartwarming times, such as bursting out curses out of worry for the boys’ exam results, or having to deal with their temper and ending up red hot with frustration. But these incidents all stemmed from his love for his children, so they would always reconcile in the end, learning to compromise with each other.
Reaching contentment
What is Ricky’s wish right now?
“I just want a steady, happy life with your mother, watch you brothers build your own family, and then enjoy my late years peacefully and comfortably.”
Looking back through his life, he had been at the forefront of trends as well as the furthest back; in relationships, he had played the role of the scum but also the faithful lover; he had rollercoastered through the highest points of craziness, and pull through the lowest feelings of misery. And now, he leads a simple, pleasant life. He realised the beauty in the ordinary from having lived an extraordinarily eventful life. This is the story of a ‘big boy’ who grew up to be a man. The story of my father.
“I am Ricky, I am a HKer.”
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[*1] Umbrella Movement: From September to December 2014, there was a civil movement pursuing the direct election of the Chief Executive of Hong Kong by citizens and the elimination of the functional constituencies.
[*2] Anti-Extradition Movement: Protests which began in June 2019 against a bill that would extradite Hongkongers to China for trial.
[*3] ‘Yellow’: People in Hong Kong typically use colours to divide among people with different political stances. ‘Yellow ribbons’ are people who are pro-democracy and would criticise the government.
[*4] Pepe the Frog: Despite being a symbol of white supremacy and hate in the US, Pepe has become a symbol of solidarity for the pro-democracy Anti-Extradition Movement in Hong Kong.
[*5] NMSLese: Delusional Mainland Chinese who blindly support the CCP. Some Chinese netizens, when facing opposing opinions online, would say the slang NMSL (the abbreviation of ‘Ni Ma Si Le’, which means ‘your mom is dead’). It is often used when they cannot win the argument logically. These overly sensitive Chinese people are then mocked as NMSLese.
This article was featured on Apply Daily English Version. See the article @ https://hk.appledaily.com/feature/20200815/ARKUAZ6ACJE4ZIDFB3SKSJTG44/